My Darling Daughter went on a short trip with her Grandfather to Montana this summer. Now we weren't crazy about this idea to put it lightly, but we relented in an attempt to let her feel a sense of Independence and some other important parenty stuff that I forget now. Long story short with a half broken heart, stomach full of knots and a signed release for medical treatment I let her leave the state.
It went well. she called and sounded sweet and tiny on the phone. She asked if I got her email. Nope sure haven't checked. See in my constant waiting by the phone for the call from the Montana hospital I had neglected my computer. This little yummy sprite of mine persuaded me to get online with promises of an email with pictures of her. I dash to my laptop, when did it get so damn slow turning on? Oh come on, why the hell do I keep a password on this stupid thing?!?! Seriously it never takes this long to download my mail.
There it is! I excitedly open the attachment to find a huge picture of my little girls smiling face, I scroll down. What the hell is that thing, scroll more. She is holding something, what the hell are they letting her mess with there, keep scrolling. It's a freaking kitten! Dear God no! not another animal! But she looks so cute and happy! The kid not the cat. The cat, although cute is nothing but a furry Ball of mischief to me. Absolutely no kitten!
Scroll down more, " Mommy can I please!Please! have this kitten! Her mom gets fluffy fluffy in the winter and I know how you love fluffy cats! Please I love you" . Maybe a kitten.
" So Mommy did you get my email?"
" Well Honey I don't think it's the best idea for you get a kitten right now".
" But I love her!" hysterical sobbing!!!!! ( next is a quote of what I believe she said, but since she was hysterical and kind of sounding like snot was pouring out of her nose I can't be certain. I just know it was graphic!) " she's a barn cat and they'll make her stay outside in the winter and she'll freeze and die and it will be my fault because I couldn't bring her home and she loves me and I never get a pet of my own you bought me a dog but he loves my little brother more and that's not fair I will take care of her she can be my Christmas present I don't want an ipod anymore I want the kitten I love her she'll die outside you can have all my money" (now if you said it in one breath without stopping you have the idea)
" Peanut I don't think Daddy will let you".
"Please Mommy you have to ask him I love you mommy please!"
"She wants the barn cat from Montana"
"absolutely not!"
"She said she wouldn't want an ipod and we can have all her money in the bank"
"ummm, Mommy I meant my piggy bank. You Can have half of my college money though".
"Oh, we can have half of her college money"
"No kitten!"
Complete dramatic hyperventilating sobs are streaming from the phone. "Baby you need to calm down. Your giving yourself an asthma attack over a kitten. Calm down and I will try to talk to Daddy."
"But He's really mean and he's going to say no and my kitten will freeze. She can't be a barn cat she's too nice. Please Mommy!!!!!!!"
"I'll talk to your Daddy. Calm down and go have fun at the horse show."
Well talk I did. I somehow talked him into this kitten that I didn't even want! We arrange for her to be surprised by having the kitten brought from Montana over Labor Day weekend, but that's another story altogether!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
NO! it's not my time of the month, thank you!
Why is it that men are allowed to have bad days and we have PMS? For men it's always the excuse that they had a bad day at work, are stressed, so and so pissed them off, etc, etc... Why can't it just be that they are being an a-hole today? It's obvious they are. We all know they are! Yet it's just accepted that Mr. pissypants was set off by something or someone. It's never a mans fault that they're a cyclone of obscenities and attitude. It's societies/ forces that be that provokes the usual calm gentle creature into these outbursts! Well woman on the other hand can have the same moments of, well call it, discontent and we're labeled as having PMS. Certainly if it isn't our time of the month it will be soon! It couldn't be insane children running a muck, terrible traffic, mean bosses, or just the plain fact that we want to make our husbands miserable for a day because they insist we have hormone issues! I'll show you PMS buddy!
Case in point, I don't even have a damn uterus! Not a single ovary in my body, but my grumpy day has to involve my patch. You know the hormone patch that lovingly distributes a continuous even stream of beard prevent estrogen into my system. Ok, a moment of silence for this amazing feat in engineering........... So where was I? That's right! My fabulous ball of man meat, this understanding amazing man I married still pulls the freaking hormone card on me! Insert me stressed out, tired, making dinner while the kids are fighting over oxygen. Here comes the love of my life to affectionately grope me while, we'll say getting something hot as Hades out of the oven. I push said love of my life away and receive scowl of death followed by retort of, " Ohhh, someone needs to change there patch soon!" Really!!!!! Are you serious???? You people heard the part about the even dose of hormone as so on?!?!
So I have noticed that not only do we allow men to push us into this lame ass excuse for having, what are they called, oh emotions, we use it our selves. How many times have you cried over a friend/family member and said " I must be getting ready to get my period" ? Perhaps we need to just face the reality that it isn't your girl bits, it's your brain telling you that they are a crappy friend/relative and you need to stand up for yourself instead of crying on the couch watching Oprah! Just because we have boobs doesn't make us any less entitled to have a bad day just for the sake of having a bad day! So come on ladies, throw out the PMS excuse and embrace the fact that we have every right to feel! And I mean feel whatever you want good, bad and pornographic!( Just know that last word is the only one men will remember from this whole blog)
Case in point, I don't even have a damn uterus! Not a single ovary in my body, but my grumpy day has to involve my patch. You know the hormone patch that lovingly distributes a continuous even stream of beard prevent estrogen into my system. Ok, a moment of silence for this amazing feat in engineering........... So where was I? That's right! My fabulous ball of man meat, this understanding amazing man I married still pulls the freaking hormone card on me! Insert me stressed out, tired, making dinner while the kids are fighting over oxygen. Here comes the love of my life to affectionately grope me while, we'll say getting something hot as Hades out of the oven. I push said love of my life away and receive scowl of death followed by retort of, " Ohhh, someone needs to change there patch soon!" Really!!!!! Are you serious???? You people heard the part about the even dose of hormone as so on?!?!
So I have noticed that not only do we allow men to push us into this lame ass excuse for having, what are they called, oh emotions, we use it our selves. How many times have you cried over a friend/family member and said " I must be getting ready to get my period" ? Perhaps we need to just face the reality that it isn't your girl bits, it's your brain telling you that they are a crappy friend/relative and you need to stand up for yourself instead of crying on the couch watching Oprah! Just because we have boobs doesn't make us any less entitled to have a bad day just for the sake of having a bad day! So come on ladies, throw out the PMS excuse and embrace the fact that we have every right to feel! And I mean feel whatever you want good, bad and pornographic!( Just know that last word is the only one men will remember from this whole blog)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Leave your monsters at home please!
The summer is almost over even though the scalding sting of misery still radiates from my car every time I open the door. You know when it is so damn hot that your temporarily blinded until your eyes start to water in a desperate attempt to lubricate and or salvage whats left of your eyeballs, yeah that kind of hot! So as I look back at the busy days of the past few months I start to notice what I could only call a pattern. No it wasn't the museum bender the kids and I went on or even the continuous cleaning up of shedded dog fur. It turns out I yelled at what seemed like a back to back line of ill bred, rude, disrespectful children! It's like they all crawled out of some unsupervised hole and ended up in my living room. When did parents stop disciplining their damn kids and why the hell did they keep turning up at my house?
A prime example is the little girl that showed up at my sons 3rd birthday with her uncle. It was the first time I ever saw the devil in a dress, I must say! After some time of her eating candy, of course not forgetting to stuff the melted chocolate covered wrappers between my couch cushions, locking little boys in the bathroom with her ( high school football team will love her one day), and bullying everyone I had enough. I told her repeatedly to knock it off in my not so friendly voice. Her uncle even attempted (insert laugh here) to reprimand her by yelling," why can't you just be normal?!?!? Look at the other kids they aren't acting like you! Just be normal". This is my favorite part, where she kicks him in the chest and jumps off my couch. So amusing, no? I didn't think so either. The last straw came when she locked my 9 year old out her room and got in my face screaming at the top of her lungs that she was playing a game and my daughter is rude because she is bothering her. This little piece of sunshine had they nerve to tell me I better make my daughter behave! Oh hellllll no! Insert me, irate, hair blowing back in mysterious wind whilst I summon the powers that be, channeling evil itself " Look little girl I don't know who you think you are or where you think your at, but you will never speak to anyone like that again in my house, do you hear me? What are you like 4 years old? There are a whole lot of corners in this house and don't even think I won't put you in one. Don't you ever disrespect anyone in my house again!" Wide eyed and stunned she backs out of the room. I calmly go find her uncle and tell him, " yeah your niece is probably going to say your friends wife is mean, I'm ok with that."
These kids haven't all been strangers either! I had one of my daughters friends come over for a few hours. It all seemed fine, nothing major, that is until her mom came. We were talking back and forth when the charming 9 year old in question blurts out, " Mom, your so full of crap your eyes are turning brown!" Gasp, cough, the horrible knowledge that I am about to witness this child be physically abused in my own house, mingled with the idea that she kind of deserves it. My panic is broken when her mom bursts out laughing, " I say the same thing to you! HAHA! She is just too funny sometimes." I try to smile and look at my own 9 year old who's mouth is still open. After the girl leaves me daughter goes," Mom I don't really understand what she said but I don't think it was very nice, was it?" That's my girl!
Exhibit 3, even less of a stranger! Some relatives came to town and I let the two girls stay with us for the night. I have never heard kids talk back, bicker, and blatantly disobey adults so much before in my life! There was just a constant blur of rudeness! My husband was telling them to keep it down at bedtime because, " like your father I have to get up early in the morning to go to work." "well my dad doesn't have to go to work tomorrow!" I do have to admit it was pretty brave because my husband tends to be pretty scary to kids, that being said I was very proud of my husband who simply took a deep breath and told them he did have to get up at 4 am and if they didn't keep quite he would be back to drag one of them out of the room and make them sleep on the couch. Come on I found that very civil!
To be fair my summer was infringed on by rude children everywhere we went. Like the tween boy at the children's museum that put his hands on my toddler to push him out of the way. Now I don't know if it was the mother hen in me or the evil bitch, but I told him he might want to reconsider ever putting his hands on my kid again. Then I pointed out the other kids I was there with and basically informed him they were off limits too. I then glared at him until he knew I was dead serious and a bit frightened of what I was capable of. From that point on I smiled warmly at him whenever we were in the same part of the museum until he was so freaked out by my apparent mental imbalance that he would walk away.
Now the point of all of this isn't just that I met some pretty horrible kids, the point is somewhere in the background there were some pretty horrible parents that dropped the ball! Come on people! Wake up and be parents! Were aren't raising kids here, were raising adults! You can pretend to be their best friends all you want, it still comes down to the fact that one day they will be teenagers and they will HATE you! There is no getting around it. For several years we will all be uncool, mean, controlling,embarrassing and not know what it's like to be "them". At least prepare them to function in society. Let them have the tools to be respected because if they stop turning to you, which they will, they have to turn to someone. Do you really want them turning to the wrong people because they where such a-holes as kids no proper, loving person will be there to support them. I know it's harsh but it's true! The more you can say," I know one day your going to hate me for a few years but I am going to still love you and enforce the rules" the better a parent you can be. If you really want to be a good friend, discipline your kids so your friends don't have to put up with your little monsters!
A prime example is the little girl that showed up at my sons 3rd birthday with her uncle. It was the first time I ever saw the devil in a dress, I must say! After some time of her eating candy, of course not forgetting to stuff the melted chocolate covered wrappers between my couch cushions, locking little boys in the bathroom with her ( high school football team will love her one day), and bullying everyone I had enough. I told her repeatedly to knock it off in my not so friendly voice. Her uncle even attempted (insert laugh here) to reprimand her by yelling," why can't you just be normal?!?!? Look at the other kids they aren't acting like you! Just be normal". This is my favorite part, where she kicks him in the chest and jumps off my couch. So amusing, no? I didn't think so either. The last straw came when she locked my 9 year old out her room and got in my face screaming at the top of her lungs that she was playing a game and my daughter is rude because she is bothering her. This little piece of sunshine had they nerve to tell me I better make my daughter behave! Oh hellllll no! Insert me, irate, hair blowing back in mysterious wind whilst I summon the powers that be, channeling evil itself " Look little girl I don't know who you think you are or where you think your at, but you will never speak to anyone like that again in my house, do you hear me? What are you like 4 years old? There are a whole lot of corners in this house and don't even think I won't put you in one. Don't you ever disrespect anyone in my house again!" Wide eyed and stunned she backs out of the room. I calmly go find her uncle and tell him, " yeah your niece is probably going to say your friends wife is mean, I'm ok with that."
These kids haven't all been strangers either! I had one of my daughters friends come over for a few hours. It all seemed fine, nothing major, that is until her mom came. We were talking back and forth when the charming 9 year old in question blurts out, " Mom, your so full of crap your eyes are turning brown!" Gasp, cough, the horrible knowledge that I am about to witness this child be physically abused in my own house, mingled with the idea that she kind of deserves it. My panic is broken when her mom bursts out laughing, " I say the same thing to you! HAHA! She is just too funny sometimes." I try to smile and look at my own 9 year old who's mouth is still open. After the girl leaves me daughter goes," Mom I don't really understand what she said but I don't think it was very nice, was it?" That's my girl!
Exhibit 3, even less of a stranger! Some relatives came to town and I let the two girls stay with us for the night. I have never heard kids talk back, bicker, and blatantly disobey adults so much before in my life! There was just a constant blur of rudeness! My husband was telling them to keep it down at bedtime because, " like your father I have to get up early in the morning to go to work." "well my dad doesn't have to go to work tomorrow!" I do have to admit it was pretty brave because my husband tends to be pretty scary to kids, that being said I was very proud of my husband who simply took a deep breath and told them he did have to get up at 4 am and if they didn't keep quite he would be back to drag one of them out of the room and make them sleep on the couch. Come on I found that very civil!
To be fair my summer was infringed on by rude children everywhere we went. Like the tween boy at the children's museum that put his hands on my toddler to push him out of the way. Now I don't know if it was the mother hen in me or the evil bitch, but I told him he might want to reconsider ever putting his hands on my kid again. Then I pointed out the other kids I was there with and basically informed him they were off limits too. I then glared at him until he knew I was dead serious and a bit frightened of what I was capable of. From that point on I smiled warmly at him whenever we were in the same part of the museum until he was so freaked out by my apparent mental imbalance that he would walk away.
Now the point of all of this isn't just that I met some pretty horrible kids, the point is somewhere in the background there were some pretty horrible parents that dropped the ball! Come on people! Wake up and be parents! Were aren't raising kids here, were raising adults! You can pretend to be their best friends all you want, it still comes down to the fact that one day they will be teenagers and they will HATE you! There is no getting around it. For several years we will all be uncool, mean, controlling,embarrassing and not know what it's like to be "them". At least prepare them to function in society. Let them have the tools to be respected because if they stop turning to you, which they will, they have to turn to someone. Do you really want them turning to the wrong people because they where such a-holes as kids no proper, loving person will be there to support them. I know it's harsh but it's true! The more you can say," I know one day your going to hate me for a few years but I am going to still love you and enforce the rules" the better a parent you can be. If you really want to be a good friend, discipline your kids so your friends don't have to put up with your little monsters!
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