Too gross to title...

Poor Darling D is on Augmentin to clear up his unfortunate case of ear cooties. He seems to be improving thankfully! He was finishing breakfast while I filled the tub with his inch and a half of water and prepared his Vaseline covered cotton balls( I will be so grateful when we pass the month mark on this tube situation and we can bath like normal). I go to get the delightful little buddy from his high chair. Such a happy boy! I lift him up , down his leg runs the Mississippi River, minus the the pee! It is straight down his pudgy leg resting at his ankle. I am startled and confused for a split second, reality comes across me," BRACKEN, HELP!!!!!!!" He runs in, surveys the situation and backs away a little. Now my husband, you must understand, has a huge aversion to poop. He will change diapers and things like that, but once it has left its little absorbent containment unit, he is done. He gags and coughs, laughs and yells. It is actually a very funny scene on the rare occasion that we have a blowout emergency. He looks at me with his pleading eyes, I think he is considering attempting to run to the garage. Like a good man he stays. I yell for him to grab the baby's wiggly foot before the brown lava can drip off onto the floor. He winces grabs on and we run to the bathroom. We look at the meager inch and a half of fluid in the tub," I don't think that's going to help," he says. I stand the drippy boy in the tub look at removing his overalls, not a chance. We proceed to hose him off, fully clothed, with the shower attachment. All the while my fabulous husband is yelling out things like: Gross, on my God it's everywhere, no no don't touch that buddy, your so nasty little boy, it isn't coming off. Add a few gags, coughs and my hysterical laughter and you have America's funniest home video, good times! After significant hosing I remove the baby's clothes then eventually his diaper. He is sitting pleasantly in the tub loving the refreshing spray of the water. He occasionally tries to pick up some of the stew like diaper contents as they cruise toward the drain, so foul. We have to keep grabbing his hands and rinsing them, please do not put them in your mouth for the love of all things holy! I finish him off my washing him with soap head to toe twice, three times for his little mitts, and get him out of the tub. I run D to his room whilst wiping the tears from my eyes on the towel and quickly wrap a fresh diaper on his bottom. I briefly wonder if two would be helpful, I just did it tighter than usual. Damn, he has been trying to walk a lot lately, he needs to feel his legs, I loosen it a hair. I mention to my husband that the high chair is full of poop. " Your taking care of that! I did the hard part already". For all of you that didn't know it "the hard part" is apparently holding a shower hose yelling like a girl while your wife scrapes crap out of the baby's ass crack. As you probably already figured out, he's cleaning the high chair! Since he has said aversion to fecal matter and refuses to touch such substance he proceeds to drag the chair in the front yard and hose it off! I am dead serious! I can imagine what the neighbors saw. Plus I can't help but think it will mange to attract wild animals to our yard, thanks dear.



Before posting this I read it my husband who wants to state that he was not gagging or coughing and I am exaggerating!